Feedback is not a universal language. Are you fluent in your team's version of it?

I was in my first Head of People role at a fast-growing fintech. Within less than a year, we had nearly doubled in size and brought over 14 nationalities together under one roof. A manager and his direct report had been experiencing some tension for months.

Then, during the end-year review, the employee walked out of the room visibly upset.

Apparently, the manager had been using the sandwich method to deliver his feedback: positive, constructive, positive. For this senior professional, however, every positive point felt condescending. He wanted the directness, and anything wrapped in that much cushioning felt like a lack of respect.

They were both operating from completely different assumptions about what professional #feedback looks like, and nobody had ever asked either of them to question their default.

Most leaders treat feedback as a courage problem. You either have the nerve to say it or you do not. But every culture carries a different definition of what constructive means, and those definitions do not travel well across borders.

Erin Meyer's Evaluating Scale in The Culture Map makes something crucial visible: communication style and feedback style are not the same thing.

The Dutch are direct in both. Americans tend to wrap criticism in positives, which causes the actual message to disappear for someone from a more direct culture. The French, meanwhile, are high context communicators who are often considerably sharper with feedback than their broader style would suggest.

How to Make Sure Your Feedback Actually Translates

• Before the conversation: know your own default. Write down how you naturally give feedback and where that came from. Most leaders have never done this, and it is what makes intentional adaptation possible.

  
  

• In the conversation: swap the vague check-in for a specific question. Instead of "how do you prefer feedback?", try: "When something is not working, do you want me to flag it in the moment or would you rather we set time aside?"

  
  

• If it lands badly: treat it as data, not failure. Resist the urge to move on quickly. A short conversation does more for trust than the original feedback ever could.

Adjusting how you deliver feedback is the most reliable way to make sure the message reaches the person on the other side.

The manager and employee I mentioned earlier did find their way through it. It took a mediation and honest reflection on both sides, but nobody quit. Nevertheless, it should never have needed to go that far, and in most international teams I have worked with, it does not have to.

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Sparking Leadership # 40: a weekly series on human-centered, sustainable #leadership. Hit the like button to share the love and follow for real talk and practical tools. In the meantime, lead with spark!